Breaking free from being busy

From chaos to calm. Letting go of our need to be busy, dropping the busy identity, finding stillness, and taking off the busy badge.

Aug 21, 2023

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In a world that puts success and accomplishment on a pedestal, being busy has become more than just a state of being— it has become a personality trait. Being in a state of constant motion is no longer something we do to fill our time, but it has become a way we signal to others who we are. We've all heard phrases like "I'm so busy" or "I don't have time for that," almost as if busyness has become a fixed identity or a badge of honour. While it is possible to be both busy and present, sometimes I wonder if being in constant motion is an escape from being present with ourselves. To that end, being busy is neither our purpose nor is it our destiny. While it's important to stay productive and engaged, there may be a hidden cost in making busyness our identity.

Why do we busy ourselves?

In our culture, busyness is often equated with success and productivity. We feel accomplished when our schedules are packed and we feel a sense of purpose when we’re hitting our goals and closing our rings. However, for some, it seems as though their to-do lists are never-ending. In fact, it also seems as though they need it be that way. It begs the question: Why do we busy ourselves with problems to solve and tasks to be checking off?

Some people may say that this is because life, in general, has become more stressful. Some may say it’s because the constant state of motion is what energizes them; having a never-ending to-do list gives them a purpose, a job, and something to do. Though, here I am not talking about the people who benefit from list-making and organization hacks. I’m talking about those of us who use busyness as a way to escape how we feel.

Let’s get to the bottom of being busy

Sometimes being busy is actually good for us. It can help us clear our head. It can give us something productive to focus on. And it can add structure to our day. But for the person who never seems to clear their to-do list or for the person who always seems to be on-the-go, it could be possible that they are working hard to avoid relaxation itself. I’m thinking of the people who don’t take vacations or sick days and I’m thinking of the people who, despite being burnt out, keep pushing through the day even though their body is telling them to stop. Sometimes we busy ourselves not just to show others that we’re productive, but because slowing down is legitimately hard.

For a lot of people, stress, anxiety, and guilt are disguised under the cloak of their busyness. For some, being in motion is a way of processing the stress inside of them. Being busy is a way of not feeling the guilt that comes from slowing down to relax. A constant to-do-list helps us avoid our feelings of anxiety, sadness, and purposelessness. But how could all of this be possible? Well, in some cases, these are the messages we learned in our families. For example, if you were made to feel guilty or were punished for taking a break, you may have learned to over-work yourself. Or, if you grew up hearing “if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,” you internalize a message about your worth as being tied to how productive you are. For others, putting your feet up was something you had to earn after a long day’s work. When rest and downtime are seen as something you earn, rather than something you do to recharge, then taking time to relax will always appear last on the list of things to do.

For some, the stakes are high

Constantly striving to be busy can push us beyond our limits, leading to physical and emotional exhaustion. Burnout not only affects our well-being, but also impairs our ability to perform effectively in all areas of life. When we're always rushing, we may neglect the meaningful connections that require time and nurturing. Constantly chipping away at a to-do list also leaves less time for relationships. Not to mention, being too busy or too tied to a schedule might prevent us from seeing opportunities for personal growth, for creative exploration, and for spontaneous experiences to unfold. All of these things add richness to our lives and being busy and productive might be causing us to miss out.

Cultivating intentional living

Embracing a slower pace of life doesn't mean you have to sacrifice productivity or ambition. Slowing down, in all of its forms, is about redefining self-worth beyond the constant pursuit of tasks. In fact, slowing down to rest is an essential part of being healthy and productive. You can’t keep emptying your cup and expect that you’ll always have an endless supply to give. Rest is part of the recipe that makes for a healthy lifestyle.

Here’s where I would suggest you start if you’re looking to drop the frenzy and cultivate a more intentional way of living:

Make only one plan: Instead of filling your schedule to the brim, allocate time for tasks mindfully. Choose a time frame and prioritize only what matters for that period of time.
Set boundaries. This is easier said than done, so it does take practice, but it’s helpful to learn how to say no when your plate is already full. Many people find themselves in a busy state because they didn’t recognize that their plate was already full or because they over-committed in advance. As a rule of thumb, give yourself permission to honestly communicate your capacity.
Focus on quality over quantity: Shift your focus from accomplishing a lot to accomplishing things well. Quality work brings more satisfaction than a sheer quantity of tasks. It is here that you’ll find your purpose. Doing more doesn’t guarantee you’ll find true meaning and checking more boxes doesn’t mean you’ll feel more accomplished by the end of it.
Find moments of solitude: Regular moments of solitude can help you reflect, recharge, and regain clarity about your priorities. Embracing solitude doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. You can find solitude in small moments throughout your day. You can do this by relaxing into the present moment rather than needing to escape it.

Final thoughts

Real fulfillment comes from living in the present moment. When you shift your mindset away from the glorification of busyness, you open yourself up to a whole world of contentment, joy, and even authenticity. In case you need permission, know and trust that it's okay not to have every minute of your day planned out. It might even be helpful for you to build more spontaneity in your life so that you can practice being present and going with the flow of things. Or maybe this is your chance to reconnect with a hobby that allows you to lose track of time or try a new activity that doesn’t require productivity. Engaging in these type of pursuits is what will help us escape the constant cycle of busyness.

In our culture that seems to value rushing around and constant “doing,” it takes courage to step off the treadmill and prioritize a slower lifestyle and embrace a life of intention. While it's natural to be engaged in various responsibilities, it's equally important to resist the temptation to let busyness define your worth. By redefining your success, setting good boundaries for yourself, and embracing stillness, you too can create a life that aligns with your values, fosters meaningful connections, and allows you to savour precious moments of solitude.

Remember, it's not about doing more; it's about being more. More intentional. More authentic. More connected. And more present.

Take good care,

Jake